…
God: Can I warn you?
Joshua: Yeah. Please do.
God: (nods) Once you learn this, every relationship in your life will take on a new tint.
Joshua: …That doesn’t sound like a warning. Is that in any way bad?
God: (shakes head) Not at all, but it will feel like you’re starting over. But it will be a good thing. You won’t actually be starting over, but you will feel like you are from your end.
Joshua: Okay. Sounds inevitable for healing though. Let’s do it! What do you want me to know?
God: … Listen: [you were taught] the wrong foundation for relationship.
First impressions don’t matter. Second impressions don’t matter. Third impressions DON’T MATTER. What matters is first CONNECTION. Relationship isn’t about impression, but CONNECTION.
You have been taught to concern yourself with impression. That is the wrong foundation for a relationship. You don’t build a relationship on impression, but on connection.
But [you were taught] to focus on impression.
Joshua: …Wow. That is… fundamental.
…Um… I feel kinda like a terrible friend now.
God: (nods) It is a terrible way to build a relationship. The foundation is “what do you think of me?” rather than “how do we connect?” The idea from there is, if you think well of me, we can build a relationship! But someone can think well of you, and not be a good friend. Or someone can connect deeply with you, and not be impressed or intimidated by you. You had a terrible foundation. This isn’t something everyone deals with. You cannot claim “this is just our culture”. Joshua—this is YOUR culture.
…
First impression isn’t a thing for true relationship. Don’t try for impression if you want to be friends, move towards CONNECTION. Impression is intrinsically tied to disconnect. It says “I must protect”, instead of “I must connect”. This is why you often GET ANXIOUS AROUND MESSAGING. Because you are thinking of IMPRESSION. But you have found sacrificing impression often builds CONNECTION.
“He who wants friends must himself be friendly”. Not “make a good impression”. But “be friendly”. What makes a “friend that sticks closer than a brother”? It isn’t GOOD IMPRESSIONS. It is CONNECTION.
Joshua: …Yeah. What you said was right. I’m gonna have to start over.
God: (shakes his head) No you’re not. No one else was playing by your rules. You just have to recognize you were looking at the wrong THING in your relationships. What you thought were markers for connection, didn’t matter. What you thought were markers against connection, were what actually made it!
You’re not starting over in all of your relationships. You just feel like it. This will be good.
And you’ll also find, connection is easy when your strategy isn’t built on disconnection.