Holy Spirit: I lead you into all truth. Right now, that means a truth that contradicts this fear that leaves you stuck in bed shaking for forty minutes.
Joshua: …I mean, I’m just traumatized. That’s just normal.
Holy Spirit: (Gently) Stop it. Are you more interested in your reputation than your healing?
Joshua: Here’s the deal… I’m afraid you’re gonna have me post this online. And then people will see… well… actually, to be honest, I’m kind of the only one saying anything wrong.
I mean like… “just traumatized” isn’t something I’d say to anyone else. That’d be super insensitive. But to myself, it just feels… well… it doesn’t feel like anything because the trauma leads me to shut off, but like… if I were to feel anything, I think I’d feel noble.
Holy Spirit: You think you’d feel noble… interesting. But that’s not how you actually feel.
Joshua: Well, no. But as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. (I’m well aware that this is a horrible misapplication of this verse, but I just want to avoid the topic)
Holy Spirit: Joshua, you’re right! That’s a great verse to bring up.
You’re so right. And what do you think in your heart? You think “I’m too important to waste my time on emotion”. And so you are! Which means you don’t heal, you waffle, you get stuck being busy in bed shaking for forty minutes. Which is so much better than wasting time on your emotion!
Joshua: You know what… well, you’re right. But I still want to find a way out of this.
Holy Spirit: (seems humored) Why?
Joshua: Because, like… well…
Holy Spirit: Do you notice that you say “like” a lot when you’re trying to avoid something?
Joshua: Please don’t interrupt me. Well, actually… please do.
Holy Spirit: Joshua, it’s pretty bold of you to ask the creator of the universe not to interrupt you.
Joshua: Well, like… it’s rude! And I guess… well… it’s not like you’d forget that…
Holy Spirit: There’s “like” again.
Joshua: Well, what are we talking about again?
Holy Spirit: Read up.
Joshua: No.
Holy Spirit: Joshua, listen to me. I want to heal you. I have to contradict your fear. Will you let me do that.
Joshua: …Fine. I mean…
Holy Spirit: Why is it that you are wanting to avoid it?
Joshua: Well… I’m actually having fun avoiding it.
Holy Spirit: Hmm.
Joshua: I feel like we’re playing hide-and-seek.
Holy Spirit: With a lie that kept you shaking in bed for forty minutes?
Joshua: Why do you keep bringing that up?
Holy Spirit: Because I don’t want that to be your new normal.
Joshua: Okay. But like… why don’t you just miraculously provide for me so it doesn’t matter?
Holy Spirit: Joshua, that’s what I’m trying to do right now. I’m trying to defeat that lie. Are you ready?
Joshua: …Yeah, I guess I am now.
Holy Spirit: Okay. You keep seeing some present circumstances as repeats of past ones. The data isn’t the same. The people aren’t the same. If similarity were all that were needed for you to be traumatized, my disciples couldn’t have continued ministry despite being beaten. You weren’t at that level; you’re traumatized. Your issue isn’t that things are similar. It is what lies were fed directly into you, at those initial events. I want to break them. All of them. And they’re common enough, they’re worth sharing.
Joshua: Sharing is caring!
Holy Spirit: Joshua—it is. But you’re still being avoidant. I want for you to start by writing down the lies, and then we’ll talk through them. Obviously, we won’t be sharing the specifics of those circumstances.
- Lie: The most important thing to have is the longest runway possible. That’s untrue. Obedience is. There’s a time for everything—a time to gather stones, and a time to scatter. Lengthening runway is one of the most panic-driven decisions you can make. Sometimes the runway shouldn’t be lengthened—at some point, you have to acknowledge that the plane isn’t getting off the ground.
- Lie: If you sacrifice, and we succeed, that means the sacrifice was worth it. Not necessarily. Sacrifice “at any cost”. It is foolish. Some sacrifices, even huge ones, are worth it. Christ’s death on the cross? Absolutely worth it. But staying up late for a year while your children grow up without a father, and then your business blossoms? Could be the absolute greatest mistake ever.
- Lie: The only thing preventing success is your sacrifice. That’s not true. But you were fed that lie. Regardless of all the sacrifice already given; the response was not gratitude, but instead demand. “The leech has two daughters: Give and Give.” Don’t expect to find something on the other end of the leech; at the other end isn’t a smile. Just give, and more give.
- Lie: All resistance is spiritual warfare. Lies. When Elijah was exhausted, did I demand he push through the resistance? Spiritualizing exhaustion is a great way to a spiritualization of BURNOUT. And where do you go from there? Depression. Because suddenly, spiritual acts for me are measured by YOUR LACK rather than MY FRUIT. Don’t measure people by their lack; but by their fruit. And that fruit should obviously have come through abiding in me. You’ll know them by their fruit.
- Lie: Satan doesn’t want you to succeed, but God does. At what? At a project that is tearing down your psyche? Many Christian men and women have been ruined through their own success. You know what I want? Relationship. And I know that you trust me, through your obedience. Your culture has a definition of success. I have another. Success may be the lesson you learned. Failure may be continuing past knowing whether or not your concept will work. Success may be being other peoples’ stepping stone. Failure may be keeping other people on a sinking ship.
You know what these all refer to. This next section is private. Speak freely. We need to discuss where these all came from.
[We discuss the history of where I started to accept these lies.]
Joshua, break these lies in Jesus’s name.
(I do)
This is a beginning. Expect to thaw. A lot of clutter was stuck in the ice. You’re getting cleared out. And you’ll feel a thousand pounds lighter.